I shall name my first born son “Violence”

Seriously.  What is with the way people name their children these days?  Is the desire to be unique in some way so great that a name like Mike, Christopher, or John just not good enough?  Take a look at some of the craziest names celebrities have given their children quoting this article, I have taken my favorites since I don’t think all of them were that crazy.

A child named Violence roams the streets.
A child named Violence roams the streets.

So apparently this trend amongst celebrities has begun to trickle down into average homes.  This is the reason for my writing this as I found a recent news report where New Zealand had made certain names illegal.  Some of the names which were made illegal are:

  • Talula Does the Hula from Hawaii
  • 4Real
  • Fish and Chips
  • Sex Fruit
  • Yeah Detroit

It should be noted that these names were made illegal after they were used, which means that people actually tried to name their kids this shit.  What is even better is that some names are not illegal, and are apparently in use:

  • Number 16 Bus Shelter
  • Violence

I honestly wish my name was Violence.  I would love to name my kids something funny for the sake of humor. Hell I named my dog “Dirk”.  But they need to realize that the child needs to live a, hopefully, very long life with the name you have given them and that naming your child Sex Fruit is simply not cool. Should it be illegal though?  I tend to think not.

If some crazy ass parents want to name their kids stuff like that, let them.  I know the kids shouldn’t suffer but the courts didn’t have a say in my name so why should they have a say in anyone else’s.  If my legal name was Sex Fruit Eugene Chain, I would tell all my friends my name was Bob or Joe, and when I was old enough, I’d get it changed.  No need for the courts to intervene.  I’m not a law expert but doesn’t this violate free speech?  I understand they don’t have a Bill of Rights in New Zealand so they aren’t held to those rules, but I would hate to see anything like that ever happen in america.

I thought of some cool names for kids while writing this, and I only hope I am legally allowed to use them:

  • Chest
  • Miller Light
  • Rothschild
  • Enhance
  • Picard

Feel free to name your kids any of the above, I won’t get mad.

5 thoughts on “I shall name my first born son “Violence”

  1. I would honestly be happier to see fewer random apostrophes and “creative” spellings. Those make me want to kick puppies. We had such an extensive list of things that were unacceptable when we were picking out baby names that the only reason we picked “Jason” was that neither of us hated it, and it didn’t fail anyone’s criteria. If for some horrifying reason we have another? “Malcolm Xavier”– get the nerd food and the black power out in one straight shot. I would expect someone to punch me in the crotch if I tried to name my kid “number 16 bus shelter”

  2. i disagree, because the other kids wouuuuld find out. it’s called “a class attendance sheet”. and passports, health cards and other legal id or forms to fill out. It’s ALMOST borderline child abuse! or at least neglect. because that child will be teased to his or her knees and because of their own parents’ doing. jeez lol! think about the poor children! lol!

  3. Hi! My name is Violence. I’m 19 and from Indiana. I had so many academic scholarships that I bought a new car with my student refund.

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