You know, one of my favorite pastimes is arguing with people over the intertubes. I’m not sure why but it’s always fun to verbally assault people when there is no risk or repercussion. I have to say though, that recently I feel this once fun pastime has taken a turn for the worst. I feel like almost everyone on the internet is a guy like this:
I have spent a lot of time on message forums, IRC, online games, and where ever else you can chat with people online over the years. It seems though, that as the generation of kids after my generation is beginning to mature, absolute ignorance is beginning to run incredibly rampant online.
It started out with innocent abbreviations, you know LOL, BRB, OMG, things like that, now online language has turned into a completely different animal…I am honestly not sure sometimes if the kids even know correct spelling or grammar because internet shorthand is what they use the majority of the day. Have you ever met a teenie bopper who chats something like this:
lol omg how r u? im liek waitin 4 my gf to get home and im so bord. wut r u up 2?
That’s just me slapping together a quick piece of crap example but I almost have to think harder to talk like that then I do to type correctly. It seems like its almost cool to be stupid these days. It’s not just misspellings either, its the misuse of almost every interchangeable word in the English language, horrible vocabularies, disgusting grammar skills. When you make the mistake of trying to correct someones spelling or grammar online you always get a response like:
I know how to spell n stuff d00d, wtf r u the grammer police lol, I come to a game so i dont hav to spell rite n stuff.
Ah, you come to a game to cut loose right? To break free of your strict teacher all up your ass. Is that why you just decided to use than instead of then, or except instead of accept, or whatever other 5th grade mistake you made?
This country is so damn uneducated it makes me sick.
Ah, but the purpose of this entry is not to discuss education, as I seem to have gotten sidetracked, its about arguing online. The keyboard is a very powerful thing. If you thought that 50 year old soccer mom who gave you middle finger driving in traffic the other day had a case of “in the car balls” as I like to call it, just spend a little bit of time online. People become very different when you give them the sense that there will be consequences for what they do and say.
I am a 6′ 6″ tall 250 lb monster. I’d be willing to say that the majority of people in this country would not want to mess with me face to face. If I cut in front of you in line at the grocery store, most people would just let me do it, and bitch about it later. Put someone in a car, they get a little ballsy, they might honk at you, make a rude gesture at you, or even roll down their window and yell at you. Put someone behind the keyboard and its a whole different animal.
I am going to try to classify the different types of internet arguers:
- I’m successful in real life, so I need to assert myself online
This is the type of person who is reasonably successful in life, but they usually fail at games. As such you get one of the other below types making fun of them for sucking, and the best way that they can retaliate is to boast about their real life success and pwn someone else with their superior intellect. This usually just makes you look like an asshole and you get laughed at. No one cares how successful you are in real life, much less believes you, taking this approach will almost always make you look like a douche.
- I fail at real life, so I must assert myself online
This is your typical basement dweller who is well past the reasonable age for still living at home. They usually try to over compensate for all their real life shortcomings by appearing to be awesome online. While this type of person usually excels at MMORPG’s simply due to the massive excess of free time, they usually suck at everything else. Trying to appear smart always fails. Trying to appear good at a game and getting quickly pwnt in the face, always funny. These are usually people who spend lots of time writing negative reviews of everything online because they think their opinion matters.
- I like to get a rise out of people online, and I’m an asshole
These are usually people of higher intelligence with a reasonable enough amount of self confidence such that they don’t care to boast about their awesome skills online. These are the types of people who are usually actually quite nice when you get to know them and they pick their battles carefully. Every once in a while when a certain topic that they care enough about comes up, they will carefully pwn you in the face with their words, appear to be a huge cocky asshole, then carefully receed back into silence again without giving you the opportunity to retort.
- I’m immature and stupid, and I appear immature and stupid online
These are the best. Very immature teenage types who are super chatty and just make themselves look retarded over and over again. From terrible spelling and grammar skills, to a lack of knowledge about almost anything. These are the best to argue with because they will argue with you forever about nothing.
- I own at games and I want everyone to know it
This is an odd breed. Its usually a mix of being a retarded immature teenager, but actually really damn good at whatever game you happen to be playing. These are the most annoying. They are stupid, immature, and love to rub shit in your face, but no matter how hard you try you can’t best them, because they are just too damn good. It doesn’t matter how smart you are, it doesn’t matter how dumb they are. In a game, if you get beat, you get beat. The worst type of immature teenager who will beat you are the ones who know how good they are and love to rub it in your face.
- I suck at games but I want people to think I own
These guys are funny. They want to be good. They have posters of pro gamers on their walls. They go to school for game programming. They want to be good so bad, they just don’t have whatever it is that makes someone good at games. Problem is, they think they are good, and they can talk the talk, argue with the best of them, spout the lingo, but they just have no game. If you beat them, watch the shit talk and excuses flow. Noobs always blame lag first, remember that.
- I get respect through actions not words
This is my favorite type of internet persona. The silent type. They talk when they need to, will never waste their time arguing, and when something needs to get done, they get it done. I wish I was one of these guys.
So what type am I?
I guess I’m a combination of the first and the third. I love getting a rise out of people online and I pick my battles. Arguing online is fun to me. Problem is, I hate getting beat and I have caught myself on occasion spouting shit about how successful I am in real life to people online. Tisk tisk. It never works, usually just leads people to accuse you of being some 400lb moms basement loser. Oh well.
Who cares right, the whole point of arguing online is that you’ll never meet me anyhow.
It’s really not even fun anymore though, really, people have gotten so stupid that you can never win an argument and you just wind up giving up.
WTB teachers, PST.