Cassandra and Dirk

When people read my blog, they probably think I am just a cynical guy, maybe a little emo, probably a little angry, and that I am just overall sorta unhappy and miserable.  People would probably find it hard to believe that I actually have a woman who loves me.  People might also find it hard to believe that at the end of the day, I’m actually a pretty happy and thankful guy.  I just love asking questions.  I love bitching about stuff.  I love challenging the norm and not accepting things for what they are.

Truth is.  I simply love challenging myself to do better, to be better, and to always aspire to be what I feel I have the potential to be.  I can be a poor communicator though, especially face to face.  If you were to ask my girlfriend Cassandra to describe me in as few words as possible she would probably say “He’s a teddy bear.”

A teddy bear.  Right.

In true teddy bear fashion, I just wanted to take a piece of this blog and dedicate it to the two loves of my life.  Cassandra and Dirk.  Since I know she reads every post, and never says anything to me about it.  Since I know, sometimes reading my posts can probably lead her to question herself, and question my happiness.  And since I know, I’m not always good at expressing myself face to face, even to her.  I figured I would say it to the world.

I love you Cassandra.  You make me as happy as a miserable fucker like me can be.  Never question yourself, and never question my happiness or my love for you.  Especially not based on the cynical ramblings on my blog.

You are always happy.  The opposite of me.  Always offering perspective and keeping me on level ground.  Always cheerful and willing to do anything.  Always smiling.  You have an unstoppable smile that infects everyone around you.  You have an amazing ability to find the positive side of every situation.

You are hard-working.  Never taking a day off, despite me using any excuse to stay home.  You have made a life for yourself and proven to everyone who ever doubted you that you are an achiever.  You take pride in your work and you always exceed expectations.  You are very mature and responsible.  I look up to you very much for your drive and motivation to do better.

You are supportive.  Everything I do, even this little silly blog, you stand behind.  You actually read what I write, and leave the occasional comment.  You push me to work on the things I want to work on.  You never discourage.  You make me believe anything is possible.

You are positive.  Impossible to discourage.

You are fun.  No matter what it is, from sporting events, to playing video games.  Always up for anything.  No suggestion is too crazy.  Nothing is too lame.  You will try anything, go anywhere, talk to anyone.  You have a passion for life I only wish I could begin to emulate.

Most important of all, you are you.

And to Dirk, even though you can’t read.  You fill a gap in our lives that nothing else can fill.  You can make me smile when nothing else can.  Your unconditional love toward us and the way you are always happy makes me envy you in so many ways.  I love you little man.

The two of you are my life.  Even though I might not show it all the time, and every day isn’t perfect.  You need to know that if it wasn’t for the two of you by my side, I really don’t where I would be now.  So to all the readers out there who are not Cassandra or Dirk, now you know who the two loves of my life are, and maybe, hopefully, you might think I am such an emo angry bastard anymore.  I’m just a teddy bear.  Someone who just probably cares too much about the things few people even think about.